Wednesday, July 25, 2012


Dear Angels, Brynleigh and Victoria,

July 25, 2003-January 29, 2004 Such a short time to be with us.

As I think about you and what it means to be a nine year old girl and approaching those years they call the "tween" years, I wonder what kind of nine-year-olds you would be.  Would you sing Justin Bieber songs with me and dance around the living room or roll your eyes at me and groan like your big sister?  Would you like Taylor Swift songs instead or maybe both?  Would you have played with dolls and tea sets?  Dress up? Would you like to read?  Would you be "girly-girls" or a tom-boys or a lovely blend of both like Lilli?  Maybe I would have one of each in you just because you would want to be different from one another.

How would we be celebrating your birthday if you were here?  We'd dance to the Beatles Birthday Song of course!  I suppose I would have to let one of you choose the cake flavor and one of you choose the ice cream flavor.  Maybe we'd just make 2 smaller cakes and have what you both like.  If you were here, I'd buy 2 flavors of ice cream.  Whatever you wanted.  What sorts of gifts would you want?  American Girl Dolls?  Or would you be more into Wii games?

I'd love to talk with you and know what your favorite colors are, what you'd like to be when you grow up.  As I have watched your brothers and sisters grow, I have missed so much about you.  I missed brushing your hair and putting it into piggy-tails, I missed your matching dresses, ruffled socks and pretty shoes. I missed teaching you your ABC's and how to read, singing Jesus Loves Me and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star with you and all the Veggie Tales Songs.  While I was cleaning up after your brother, I even missed the mischief and messes you might have made.

All of this dreaming and wondering has me looking beyond your unique perfect beauty, so intricately woven together into one body and imagining you as something else: whole; independent of one another and that shared body that so hindered you and shortened your life.  It has me imagining you doing all those things you could never do on earth; little things like breathing on your own, rolling over, sitting up, holding your arms up for me to hold you.  

I've longed for those things so often as I've missed you here on earth but also, it makes me long that much more for Heaven, where we'll DANCE!

Until then Brynleigh and Victoria. . . I love you!  

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