Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Change

Change is happening everyday and there's always more on the horizon.  Life is fluid and one must be able to ride the ebb and flow of the tide that change brings.  I try to be flexible, to bend and not break, but truthfully:  I HATE CHANGE!
This is not something that should come out of the mouth of someone who's husband serves our country.  Being a military wife is all about change.  It's all about never getting to stick to a schedule because you never know when your husband is going to be around or when he's going to have to pull a 24 hour duty.  It's about the unpredictability of planning for birthdays or anniversaries that inevitably don't work out right because your spouse isn't here.  He's got to train.  He's got a duty. He's got a class. He's in a war.  

Being a military spouse means leaving loved ones behind, sometimes on the other side of the country and never getting to be a part of their day-to-day lives.  It means missing birthday parties and "all girls weekends" with your aunts and the cousins who used to be your best friends.  It means desperately wanting to see your ailing grandparents but not having the money to fly so far with your kids.  


Family celebrations are discussed after they happen and though you want details, only the highlights get relayed.  It means children who don't know their grandparents because time and distance do not permit it.  It means nurturing relationships with family via phone, computer, and email when all you really want is to share the couch or the dinner conversation.   

We make new friends quickly, pouring heart and soul into relationships because they are so essential.  We need people who understand; people who live what we live and do what we do every day.  Then we watch as all those treasured friends move away.  They are gone to the next duty station and we are left with only another number saved to our cell phones and a promise to call often.  Calls come frequently for a while and then only every few weeks as change makes room for new friends.  

We live in a place only long enough to become comfortable, to learn how to find our way around in a new community, which areas to avoid, where to shop, which restaurants have good service, and, if you're us, long enough to establish good medical care and know which hospitals are equipped to handle children.  Then, like reopening an old wound, it's time to start over.  It's time for new schools, new doctors, and new friends who again become like the family that you miss so much "back home."  

The truth is this.  I miss my mom and dad and I mourn the relationship they *should* have with my kids.  I miss my sisters, my brother, my niece and my nephews and all my aunts, uncles and cousins.  I weep for every missed birthday party and thanksgiving and Christmas get-together.  I miss my friends from each prior duty station and those that have moved on.  While I love the people that I've met here, part of me wishes that I'd never met them because I know that too soon I'll have to say goodbye.  
This is how I feel about change.  Yet. . . time marches on and more change is coming.   The man is training and a deployment is in our future.  We will adapt.  We will overcome.  We will bend with the winds of change so that we do not break.  
read to be read at yeahwrite.me

23 comments:

  1. I understand your post, a lot. I am the one who lead the change sin my family; as an international school teacher, we go where the posts take us, when it fancies me to move on. I see the cost these moves are having on my son, and have begin to rethink our lifestyle. I do it out of a passion for travel and world cultures; you and your family do it as a service to our country. Thank you for the sacrifices you have made. I know it isn't easy, and we don't always think about the impact military life has on the family connected to the soldier. THANK YOU...

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  2. I hate change too. I can't imagine how difficult changes this monumental must be. My heart goes out to you and your family.

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  3. Bless your family for the sacrifices you've made. What a moving post about everything you are going through.

    I am a Navy brat and grew up on bases all over the country. It was hard for my mom to be away from her family, but I wouldn't have traded it for anything. I loved moving every couple of years.

    My mom still has the friends she met on base over 30 years ago.

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  4. Wow - this was awesome. I admire you and your family so much, the sacrifices you make, that you all make every day, are what should inspire us every day.

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  5. Thank you for all those in the military endure. Your post is a beautiful portrayal of all the sacrifices that are made -- by spouses and family -- who wait. It would be hard just to get to know an area then move. I wouldn't like that a bit.

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  6. I couldn't do it! Thanks to you and your husband for serving our country!

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  7. I honestly don't know how you do it. I can't even imagine it. You must be a very strong woman.

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  8. Thank you for sharing your reality. I especially appreciated these lines:

    We need people who understand; people who live what we live and do what we do every day. Then we watch as all those treasured friends move away.

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  9. Saying goodbye is always so difficult and to have to do it so frequently must be heartbreaking. We've recently moved very far away from family again and I dread missing out on things.

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  10. Oh so hard. I understand a little. My husband is RCMP and moves detachments every three years or so. It is so hard saying goodbye to all your new friends, and your home etc. But being with my hubby makes it all worth it! :)

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  11. When I was a child, my elementary school was very close to a base and a lot of my classmates were Military kids.
    It was so hard to meet these kids and then see them have to move away, and at the ripe old age of 10 I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle that as an adult.
    With that being said, I admire Military families and have the utmost respect for the sacrifices they make to keep us safe.
    Thanks for sharing your perspective.

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  12. Doing what you do, makes you as brave as him.

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  13. Ugh, that's so tough. I'm not a big fan of change, either..

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  14. Thank you so much for the sacrifice that your family makes for our country. Thank you to your husband for his service. It seems like so little to say. Just thank you!

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  15. Military families make so many sacrifices. My in-laws are military and my sister-in-law has held down the fort with two kids during multiple stations and two 12 month tours of duty. I am in awe of you.

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  16. It's amazing what military families are willing to go through to do what needs to be done. We all hear about the sacrifices of war, but we don't spend too much time thinking about all that you have described. The sacrifice really is great, and you are much more courageous than I am. I'm not sure I would be able to give so much. Bless you all.

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  17. This post tugged at my heart. Thank you for enduring all these changes as a military family so that the rest of us may feel safe, protected. You are a brave, strong,incredible family. I weep with you for all the missed birthdays, holidays, missed special occasions. But please know we are eternally grateful for your service and all you do.

    For what it's worth, I'm terrible with change. I love my schedule very much, my lame predictability.
    (visiting from yeah write)

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  18. Oh, I cannot imagine what you and your family go through. I hate change, and lived in awe of my mom's stories of growing up as a military brat. Best of luck to you - stay strong.

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  19. Thank you so much for your husband's service and for your support of him! It's huge! I despise change so I understand the feeling behind this post. I don't even like change for the better!

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  20. oh, so hard. thank you all for making these sacrifices for us.

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  21. I can only imagine how hard this is. I really enjoyed this post.

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  22. oooh, this strikes closely as a military brat. Believe it or not, your kids will be okay. They'll have ability to adapt to new situations, an ease in making new friends, and a sense of adventure. Fostering relationships is the hardest part, but hopefully technology makes it easier nowadays. I wish Skype/FaceTime had been around back then, so I could have known my grandparents. Hang in there.

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  23. Change is hard, but it sounds like you handle it very well. Despite adverse circumstances. And thankfully for an important cause.

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