Sunday, January 1, 2012

Live in the Moment.

Ahem. . . testing. . . testing. . . 1, 2, 3.  Is this thing on?

Once again, it's been a long time since I've blogged.  Anything.  I used to be really good at blogging.  I managed to use my caring bridge journal page to keep everyone in my life updated when Brynleigh and Victoria were born, were in the hospital and then died.  I kept everything up to date through 2 adoptions on my "heart for adoption" blog.  (which got hacked and then ultimately ended up being completely lost to me )  Now here I am 6 years (I think) later and I'm having a hard time 1) finding something to write about and 2) motivating myself to put thoughts down in type.  Last night I sat down to do a 2011 in review blog using all of my status messages from facebook and found that all I had there was a list of appointments that I was taking my kids to and complaining about the IRS and my busy schedule.    (Hanging head in shame here) Needless to say, I didn't post that blog.  It did, however, give me a reason to make a couple of New Year's Resolutions.  I'm usually not one to make resolutions because, well, let's face it.  I never make it out of the month of January with anything I've resolved to do still intact.  But this year, I am kind of desperate.  This year, I'm going to be better about recording my life in my blog and I'm not going to use it (exclusively) to complain.  Those are my 2 resolutions.  Why? My life is passing me by and I can't remember it!  Noah is 13, Lilliana and Willow are 11 and Daniel is 8 1/2!  What memories will I have left of them when they are all gone in a few years?  It's coming.  Oh yes!  It's coming! 

This has been the theme of the last few months.  In October, I went to a women's retreat.  One of the ladies there shared an article she read in a magazine.  In the story, the woman writing was celebrating her 36th birthday.  She and her friend were sharing a piece of cake and talking about the years ahead.  The gist of it was that so much of our lives are spent waiting for  "better" times to come.  I really related to it, on many levels.  I celebrated my 36th birthday in November and realized I'm guilty.  Of all of it.  When you're a kid, you can't wait to be 16 so you can drive a car, 18 so you can be an "adult," 21 so you can drink.  If you go to college,  you can't wait for this class to be over, can't wait to graduate, have a career.  I couldn't wait to be married and have a family.  When I got married, it was all about what comes next.  Kids.  When I was pregnant, I didn't enjoy it.  I couldn't wait for it to be over so I could hold that child in my arms and see it's beautiful and perfect face.  Through sleepless nights and colic, teething and tantrums, I couldn't wait for this phase to be over.  Lugging that heavy infant car seat around everywhere made me groan and rub my sore shoulder and announce  "Walking can't come soon enough!"  Frustrated fits led me to throw my hands up in desperation and say "I can't wait until you can communicate!  Use your words!"  Toddler messes and self inflicted hair cuts and things shoved in noses and ears. . . all phases to wish away when you are cleaning up ruined make up and scattered scraps of hair or when you are making yet another visit to the ER to have a Lego extracted from an orifice. (take your pick) I didn't realize that time was doing exactly what I want it to stop doing today.  Passing me by.  I want to be content in today.  I want to enjoy each stage my children are in.  Even if it means enjoying what many parents dread. . . teenagers. 

Suddenly, I have so much to say.  So much I want to remember.  I wish I could rewind and freeze time just for a bit longer so that I could teach my (younger) self that infant car seats will be gone way too soon and with it that smell of "milk breath" and the dimples on the backs of their hands and those extra creases in their forearms.  I would tell my younger me that sleepless nights mean extra snuggles and that tantrums often end in shared naps with baby curls in sweaty curlicues on a sweet, soft cheek.

Enjoy your life in the moment.  Live in today.  Breathe in what God has given you and enjoy it's sweet aroma because it all changes so quickly and then. . . CELEBRATE! I love you all. . . happy 2012!

******* EDITED TO ADD****** My friend Toni shared this song with me and I just had to add it here as well.  Thanks Toni!


  1. Test-one two three???? Love it Dawn!!! Great words of wisdom. Keep up the good work! Karen Garrett

  2. Glad to know you are not giving up. We all have setbacks. Without a setback we can never have a comeback. Welcome back!

  3. Thanks Ladies! Glad to know you stopped by!